In the last decade and a half, you have seen me go through many phases of writing. I hate that it’s been so inconsistent. I’ve condemned myself on how I never finish what I set out to do. The fear that I’ll fail yet again is lingering in the air, taunting me. The fear of being my most vulnerable self on a public blog and how people will respond paralyzes me. The fear that people may reject me or worse – criticize me. I’m not sure if I can quite handle it.
If you’re familiar with my writings, you’ve seen a pattern of release. As I learn, grow, and receive, something bubbles inside of me and naturally releases. As I give in to the fears listed above (and more), the release is minimal or at a complete stop. The release is plugged, and over time and practice of suppression – the inspiration and drive slowly die. A part – a big part – of Amy dies.
Even as I sit here writing in a brick-walled coffee shop in El Segundo on the second day of indoor dining (finally), my heart is deeply encouraged, elated, and everything feels good and right. Sometimes we have to stop thinking, and start doing. I’m getting breakthrough right here, right now, in this moment. *deep breath*
My sentences and words may or may not be perfect in this post, but you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m starting again. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take the first step – to write.
Is there anything on your heart you know you’re meant to bring into this world? Has God called you to something BIG, yet you’ve placed a plug on it? If it is still on your heart, I encourage you to take your first step into that BIG thing. The fact that it is still big on your heart means God hasn’t given up on you and has been gracious to you. God could’ve given that call to someone else! Please do NOT take this lightly, and make your first step! We need what you have to be released into the world, seriously.
Let me tell you a story of humble pie:
Sitting with the Lord in my living room, I laid before Him my dreams, business ideas, and more ideas.. galore. I asked Him, “What would you like me to focus on?” thinking there would be oh-so-many things because I got all the ideas! All He highlighted was my blog – my writing. Out of ALLLLLL those ideas, just writing? What about this idea? That business?
Nope, just write. Because why? I’ve been disobedient to not answer this call of at least a decade, and that’s all I could handle right now. Wow. Talk about having some serious humble pie.
Last week I made a pact with my dear friend as we talked about what God has called us to do, the fears we’re facing, and how we’ll move forward together. Oh how I need her friendship and encouragement to begin again!