wonky mornings

The piano has been my lifeline for decades. This morning I woke up bleary-eyed and convicted of scrolling too long on social media last night amongst other things, y’know.

We all know the discipline of praying, journaling, and reading the Word is necessary and good for every part of our being, but there are times these things are difficult to do.

I walk over to the piano, stomach nauseous, and begin playing the keys. Too tired to sing, too tired to read the chords or even look at the keys, I close my eyes.

I allow my fingers to press the keys wherever they feel led to go. My heart tries its very best to take the lead. Fairly new to the world of emotions, this is challenging for me. Still, I do my best. Nothing less, nothing more.

It is beautiful. Songs of my heart come through. Songs I know and melodies form as I go. Songs that express my weakness, my brokenness, my desire to do better. God’s mercy.. OH God’s mercy, His outpouring love, and lastly His loving discipline towards me His beloved daughter.

I’m not sure why I fight feeling tired and frustrated when something unpeaceable is happening thinking it should always look pleasant and logical.

Actually it is logical right? When I do wrong, there is correction to be made. When I make mistakes, there are consequences. Isn’t this what we learned even as children?

Help me, Lord.

I’m sorry for saying yes to temptation.
Sorry for giving into lust and addiction.
I’m sorry for not choosing You above all else.
Sorry for being fascinated more with scrolling than with you
.. how pathetic that sounds!


“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”

– Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

Help me, Lord.

I receive your correction.
I take the consequences.
This is not easy for me to do.

Help me not fight my tiredness today. Help me honor the state of where I am mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Help me honor the process I must walk through today. Help me find you! Help me live in the present taking one moment at a time. Help me love myself well today. Show me what that looks like.

Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for accepting me even in my weakness. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for making a way for me to communicate and process with you through each song and melody.

What a way to start my morning, but God! Have your way in me! May your name be glorified even through the start of this wonky day! May my eyes, my heart, my mind be more fascinated with you than any other thing. Would You become my first love, the one thing I desire, the one thing I seek and gaze at all the days of my life!

In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.

Much ❤,

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